I’m a well-educated 33-year-old woman. I have a BA in English from Pithoragargh. But I want you to know – I have experienced deep and debilitating repression in my life. Despite having had access to education, I was made to marry young. I fell into all of the roles expected of me. I worked hard – in ways that were physically demanding and emotionally exhausting – without having my contribution recognized or valued. I know this is a big part of why I grew despondent in those days.
When ARPAN came my way, it was a year or so before the pandemic wreaked havoc on us all. Ganga Di and Neha – would come like clockwork to our villages and have meetings, gatherings, discussions – galvanizing women to begin talking about their lives. I was so depressed in those days that I was completely silent, refusing to offer up my voice. But the more I attended those meetings, the more I couldn’t pull away from them.
I found myself conjuring up excuses at home – in order to show up. I remember being found out one day – my husband was told “a bunch of strange women go from door to door corrupting our women – why are you letting your wife be part of this?” It was a difficult moment. I was up against my husband and my mother-in-law, and I didn’t have their support in those days. It didn’t stop me though. Something about those meetings lit a fire in me. It was almost as though once I found my flame – I couldn’t extinguish it even if I tried.
I was already a Pradhan in Gangoli Haat when I began regularly visiting whenever ARPAN ran their collectives. We have a system where a certain quota is reserved for women to participate in governance in Uttarakhand – so some women are Pradhans in their respective Graam Panchayats. But often the women in question are merely notional Pradhans. Their husbands take all the decisions, hold all the power. This used to be my story too.
ARPAN brought me out of my shell. They recognized in me, something I didn’t quite yet see in myself – the person I am today. Through steady, regular, nurturing contact with me – they helped me find my sense of purpose. To the point where I now have my husband’s support and my mother in law’s appreciation. My 10-year-old daughter is my strongest ally. I am no longer a notional Pradhan. I take pride in what I do. I have worked tirelessly over the last few years to ensure alcohol addiction is addressed in our communities in ways that feel effective. I work steadily with single women headed households and SC/ST families who have the right to equity but don’t have the necessary tools to action it. Our entire village helped me organize rations for COVID affected families. As Pradhan, I want to actively pave the way for other women like myself – who find themselves stifled despite their qualifications – women, capable of so much – if only they were given the chance to breathe their ideas into life.